"Microsoft Dings Stocks" Ballmer's insurance expired, has to get cash for repairs from Bill. "YMCA office under attack by Muslims in West Bank" No word on the status of the construction worker or the biker. "Chad Pressured to Postpone Election" Meanwhile, Jacob and Britney can hold elections as planned. "AT&T Shareholders Reject Resolutions" AT&T shareholders are idiots. "Government Takes Over Aloha Air Pension" Aloha Air pensioners see money flushed down toilet. U.S. taxpayers now responsible for the bailout, likewise.

"Prosecutors Get First Shot at Lay" Too easy. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy... "Microsoft to Buy Chinese Hardware" This is news? Isn't it all Chinese hardware? "Songbirds May Be Able to Learn Grammar" We can't teach grammar to kids graduating from high school, so we're going to try birds? Those teacher unions can get away with anything. "NYC Firefighter Begins Sentence in Brawl" Is that a regional dialect of braille? "Dog burns down owner's kitchen" "Since when does a medium-rare steak come in a bag marked 'Purina'?!?!?!?!?" "Police Arrest Nude Man Stuck in Chimney" It's a real shame the lengths some guys will go in some misguided quest for hot sex. "'Deep Throat' Saw Himself As 'Lone Ranger'" So who's Tonto, Woodward or Bernstein?

"30,000 Elvis impersonators may be out of work" Please, God, please, God, please, God... "Rise in Revenue Helps Cingular Wireless to a Profit" In other news, rain makes things wet, and the sun gives off light. "Colombian Police Train Rats to Find Mines" Because apparently finding cocaine is just too easy. "Ohio Restaurant Wins Best Restroom Award" With floors so clean you could...no, we won't go there. "Indonesians Evacuate As Volcano Rumbles" I wonder if Volcano fights fair, or does he use brass knuckles, chains, and knives?

"Astros Replace Miller With Borkowski" Borkowski? Is that a Polish beer? "Biffle: Girlfriend's Spat No Big Deal" "Heck, you should see it when she sneezes!" "Teen Gets Boot Camp for Angering Judge" Does this judge dislike Mac users or something? "Hamas Government Strapped for Funds" In the bomb department, however, they're running a surplus. "Will Smith Crashes Bar Mitzvah" I wonder if he has to take a class to get that off his record. "Scientists Observe the Brain 'Shutting Off'" Was Al Gore speaking?

Dan Benjamin's cats have the best expressions. I need to take more photos of our pride.

Because white guys lip syncing rap is funny. [Via the aforementioned Mr. Benjamin.]

Thank God the NHL playoffs are here. I've enjoyed the new rules this season, but has anyone else felt like this first, post-lockout season has taken forever?

Why do celebrities feel compelled to give their children names said children will be complaining about to their therapists decades from now?

For the seventh time in the history of the two tournaments, one school will have a team in both the Men's and Women's NCAA Final Four: LSU. GEAUX TIGERS!!!

Twenty years ago, I was fifteen, and a high school sophomore in Baton Rouge. I had been going to LSU football games for the past five to six years, with the Tigers not doing much on the gridiron worthy of national recognition. Likewise, Skip Bertman still had another five years to go before he would lead LSU's baseball team to their first College World Series win. But in March of 1986, a man named Dale Brown was leading a team of talented but not exceptional basketball players to the height of college basketball: the Final Four. There was no Shaq on this team, no Stanley Roberts, no Chris Jackson. Those players would come later, and without the success of this team. This team had Blanton, Redden, Wilson, Vargas, Jovanovich, and Williams. This LSU basketball team began the tournament of 64 ranked eleventh in their bracket. Twenty years later, they remain the lowest seed to ever make it to the Final Four. I had grown up in Baton Rouge, having moved there when I was five. While only 60 miles away, New Orleans could have been on the other side of the universe as far as Baton Rouge was concerned. When it came to sports, I lived and breathed LSU athletics. I pretty much still do. I remember watching the Tigers' miracle run on television. The joy of the players when they beat number-one Kentucky to advance to the Final Four in Dallas. The tears of Ricky Blanton on the bench as time wound down in their national semifinal loss to Louisville. Coach Brown comforting Blanton and other players after the buzzer had sounded. So close. So far. Three days ago, the Tigers of 2006, a group of talented but not exceptional young men, knocked off number-one Duke. Duke, ranked number one not just in the bracket they shared with LSU, but ranked number one out of the entire field of sixty-four. Last night, they toppled number-two Texas, and on the anniversary of the last LSU Final Four team, find themselves on their way to Indianapolis with a shot at the national title as they take on UCLA. So close. So far. GEAUX TIGERS!!!

Jeff Harrell, on his recent move to the DC area:

They have Chick-fil-a here, which is good. But the sandwiches are like three bucks each or something equally absurd. I mean, I knew Texas was the land of milk and honey where the streets are paved with gold. I didn’t realize that it was also the land of cheap chicken sandwiches. Apparently it’s both.

Dan said it, not me.

"Khaos" has released a derivative piece of art, titled "Forsaken Soul", based on a landscape photo I took on the Big Island of an old lava flow.